I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
