You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
