After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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