Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
