So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
