So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
