Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
