The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
do herpes really smell.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
