cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
