I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
