my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My penis needs a shock collar
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
