theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
wow bdsm is so cute
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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