guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
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He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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