my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize
