There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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