i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
