is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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