I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I currently don't understand fingers.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
