hotel room ftw
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
