One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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