All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
