i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
