he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
