After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
