watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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