I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
