if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Who died my cat blue again?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
try to milk me bitch
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