DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
