My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
