the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
