So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
