i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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