I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Send help, water and tortillas.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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