Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
