i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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