I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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