why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
