that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
