I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
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This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize