well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
