he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
