Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You left your phone here
Wait...
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