my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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