CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
