I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
