I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
