considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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