dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
