Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize