i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
