i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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