You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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