I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
