my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
