im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
