Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
