I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
