dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
