Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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