how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
