You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize