he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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