Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
