hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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