i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
