Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
