Betty ford says i'm here all night
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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