peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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