Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
