i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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