So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
