it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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