But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
