If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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