i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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