I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
