So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
