Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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