who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I hope mine doesn't look like that
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
