your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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