this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
