Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
